Posted by: chicagoshells | July 4, 2012

Second Trimester…

…we’re in it!  14 weeks and 4 days on this day, the 4th of July.  Like many things, it feels like the first third of this pregnancy have gone both very quickly and very slowly at the same time.  It seems like forever ago that we saw that second pink line come up, but somehow it also seems insane that in just six more weeks we’ll be halfway to Real Live Baby (fingers crossed, knock wood, all that stuff).  Things continue to go pretty well– Trouble is still tired and has more heartburn, but is generally feeling pretty well.  Because I am, of course, an extrememly nervous person, we bought a doppler, and are able to listen to Mulberry’s heartbeat from the comfort of our own couch.  It was hard to find at first (we started trying between 9 and 10 weeks), and even harder to keep for any length of time once we found it, but in the past week we’ve been able to find it fairly quickly every time we’ve tried, and listen for minutes at a time.  It amazes me every single time.

As we get further along and *slightly* less anxious, the big question of what Mulberry IS is a frequent topic of conversation.  As a proud graduate of a liberal all-women’s college, I know that gender is a social construct and about so much more than genitals, and which genitals our fetus has shouldn’t be all that important…but let’s face it, there are very few things that we get to learn about our child before they are born (or soon after they are born, for those patient enough to wait to find out…we are not patient), so I can’t wait to learn this one thing and therefore know something else about Mulberry.  Don’t get me wrong, we’re certainly not the kind of people who will go all pink and ruffles for a girl or blue and sporting equipment for a boy.  I’m not sure that much will be different in the way of preparations one way or another, although since our list of names is currently hovering around 80, it will be nice to only have to look at one half of that, anyway.  Today, while staying cooped up in our house (it was 102 degrees…no way were we doing the beach or the park or any other typical outdoor July 4 activity), we looked up all the old wive’s tales about boy vs. girl.  According to the Chinese Gender Chart, Mulberry is a boy.  Based on heart rate (always over 140), it’s a girl.  The Ramzi theory about where in the uterous the fetus is implanted, based on our earliest ultrasound pictures, points to a girl.  Trouble’s lack of morning sickness and acne points to a boy.  The baking soda test says girl (when Trouble peed on some, it didn’t fizz).  The ring test, where you dangle your wedding ring over the belly, says….either boy or girl, depending on which website you use.  All in all…no idea.  But we’ll know in about 6 weeks, if Mulberry cooperates!

We’ve started to tell more people– Trouble’s family knows, my extended family knows (we’re seeing them all at a wedding next week), our close friends know.  I also gave my parents permission to tell their friends, most of whom have known me since I was barely more than a fetus myself– and the timing of this has worked out quite well in terms of what’s going on with my family right now.  My father has a kidney tumor, and will be having surgery for it next week.  It was found very early and he has an excellent prognosis and a fantastic attitude.  Tangential story– the night after I heard about this, I had a terrible time trying to sleep (not unusual for me when there’s something causing anxiety), and mentioned that  to my mother.  She in turn told my father who called and said “I’m really sorry I caused you a good night’s sleep, especially since I haven’t lost any sleep over this at all.”  Very typical.  Anyway, he won’t be coming to the above-mentioned family wedding, so keeping this from family and close friends hasn’t been practical, and it’s been very nice for them to tell people “Here’s this bad/serious thing going on with our family right now, but there’s also this great thing, we’re going to be grandparents!”  Obviously unintentional timing on our part, but nice nonetheless.  My father also said how great it is to have something so wonderful to look forward to while getting through this.  I hung up the phone and sobbed.  Partly in fear/anxiety, sure, but I’m also so grateful to have parents who are this excited about a non-biological grandchild.  I know it’s not always like this, and I’m so thankful.

We are not yet “Facebook official,” (and it’s crazy how that has become, in some sense, this measure of which friends you really care about– the people you need to tell so they don’t find out on Facebook are the ones who matter) and that is due to two factors.  The first is Trouble not wanting to be “the pregnant girl” at graduate school (although her advisors know and have been wonderful and promised her they will help her figure out the scheduling for her remaining clinical internships).  The second is the number of co-workers on Facebook with me– I’ll be backing out of a big project (it bascially starts the same week as Mulberry is due) and need to chat with my boss before I announce that to everyone.  That should happen next week.  GULP (although I did already run it by his assistant, who we all know actually runs things, and she was totally cool, so hopefully it won’t be as scary as it is in my head.  I just wish it wasn’t so close to the accident, when they also had to replace me on a project, although I do know intellectually that no one blames me for that).

Pretty much everyone we’ve told has been wonderfully excited for us.  I know a few of my mother’s friends have asked her some questions about our process and how we selected the donor, but all respectfully and with curiosity, not judgement.  The one person who had a weird non-reaction was Trouble’s ex (and I think I’ve said before, we are still good friends with her, so that was strange and unexpected).  I don’t think she even said congratulations, although we had accidentally-then-jokingly-on-purpose convinced her we were moving right before we told her what the news actually was, so…that could explain it.  She actually irritated me again a few days ago, though, by texting me and asking me “Does Trouble have a boppy yet?”  Now, I  know that the particular item she asked about is breast-feeding related, but you can also use it for bottle-feedings and just to prop the baby in, so…yeah, her phrasing irked me.  It just brought up a bit of my non-bio-anxiety that has been pretty much absent from the bulk of this process. I responded with “We don’t have anything yet,” and we’ll see how things progress, I guess.

Well, this became more lengthy than I was expecting.  I need to try to write more often!



  1. congrats on the 2nd trimester!

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