Posted by: chicagoshells | September 7, 2012

Baby Boom!

Yesterday, in the course of about two hours, I heard about THREE pregnancies.  Trouble’s brother and sister-in-law are expecting their second child in March.  One of my best friends from high school is due with her first in April.  And a friend here in Chicago is going to have her second in April as well.  I am super excited for all of them…but I realized that upon reading each piece of news (ah, the electronic communication that has become our life), I still had a sort of residual twinge of jealousy.  For so many years, hearing the news of yet another pregnancy made me ache with longing for my turn…so now, even though I can feel Mulberry working on his gymnastic routines inside Trouble every day, the first instinct is still to go to the jealous place.  I need to remind myself that I DON’T need to feel that jealousy anymore.  My turn HAS come, and it’s amazing.  But it made me reflect on how lucky I am that this “odyssey” that I tried to prepare myself for back when I started this blog was instead more like a little stroll down the block.  We are so very fortunate that this happened so fast for us, once we finally got to the starting line.  If Trouble wasn’t pregnant right now, a day like yesterday would have driven me to despair.  Melodramatic?  Yes, but also accurate.  I would have cried uncontrollably, stood in the shower sobbing, soaked my pillow with tears and snot, thought about how pointless my life felt and wondered how I could stand it all.  I am so grateful that instead I can truly be happy for my friends and family, enjoy the thought of our little man having a cousin so close in age, smile and imagine the playdates of the next few years.  In doing so, my heart truly does go out to all those still waiting for their turns, and especially those for whom this journey really is an “odyssey.”  Your feelings are valid, your lives are not pointless, and that thing that seems so unattainable right now will, somehow, someday, happen for you too.

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Responses

  1. I wonder if that twinge ever really goes away. So far it hasn’t for me, though I am also more happy for people than I used to be once it passed.

  2. Yeah, bad news about that twinge. I am more truly happy for others than I used to be, but I think the twinge is here for good. Go figure.

  3. Me too! We truly had an “odyssey,” trying to conceive for 7 years. And even now that I have a baby finally and we are trying for another (with every expectation of success within a few months), I find that I still feel a little pinch when I hear of others’ pregnancies. I think it just gets to be a habit.


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