Posted by: chicagoshells | November 10, 2012

A Smorgasbord

Lots going on since I last posted…

-We had a growth scan.  At 31 weeks, Mulberry weighed 4 lbs 13 oz and his head circumference was that of a typical 35-weeker.  In fact, all his measurements were a few weeks ahead.  The marginal cord insertion can cause babies to be small…clearly that is NOT an issue with our boy 🙂  Because of cord issue, we do a NST and quick ultrasound to check the amniotic fluid every week from here on out.  We also have another growth scan at the end of the month.

-Our friends threw us a lovely baby shower.  Just as right after the accident last year, I was reminded of what a wonderful group of friends we’ve developed in this city.  So many people are so very happy for us.  I truly feel lucky to be bringing our son into such an amazing support system.  They also bought (or made) us absolutely adorable presents that, set up in our house, make this whole baby thing feel very, very real.  My parents bought us the crib and dresser, which Trouble assembled herself…32 weeks pregnant.  Have I mentioned that I’m married to superwoman?

-I survived the first anniversary of the accident.  It turned out not to be as bad a few days as I was expecting.  I was prepared to be depressed and/or extra anxious, and that never really happened.  Grateful.  The court hearing turned out to be a “standard probation check.”  I’m considering taking myself off the service that lets me know when court dates are scheduled…part of me likes being aware of everything, but this past time did cause unnecessary stress.

-We’re 3/4 done with our childbirth classes.  This, actually, has caused more PTSD symptoms than the anniversary of the accident.  Particularly our last class, which included the labor & delivery and mother/baby rooms tour.  Have I mentioned that Trouble is giving birth in the same hospital I was a patient in last year?  Seeing the same equipment, the same beds, the same staff charts up on the wall hit me in a way I hadn’t anticipated.  I’m grateful that we did the tour so that I won’t be hit with the first sight of those rooms, and the panic attack that came with them, while Trouble is in labor.  I’m hoping that I’ll be so occupied by other things at that point that I won’t think about it…

-We met with the lawyer who is handling my second-parent adoption of Mulberry, as well as preparing POAs and wills for Trouble and I.  The lawyer is great and has done this many times.  Illinois is also a “good” state…I can go on the birth certificate immediately, there is no home-study or finger-printing or anything like that.  I still chafe, of course, at having to pay a few thousand dollars to adopt the child who quite literally would not exist if it weren’t for me…I bought the sperm, made all the appointments, and pushed down the plunger to physically inseminate Trouble.  If I were a man with a low sperm count who had done all those things…or, actually, none of them, but was legally married to Trouble… there would be no question of our child’s parenthood.  But this is the world we live in.

-HOWEVER…our world is getting better.  Last week on election night I was on a natural high unlike any I’ve experienced since we got the BFP.  Obama.  Senate.  Claire McCaskill.  Elizabeth Warren.  Tammy Baldwin.  Maryland.  Maine.  Minnesota.  Washington.  An amazing night for families like mine…things ARE changing.  Fewer and fewer people think that discriminating against our families is the right thing to do.  That point has never been so clearly made in one night as it was last Tuesday.  It made me even happier that this is the time when we’re bringing our little boy into the world.




  1. The election in the US last week was an amazing thing, and I believe that the benefits of all the gay family affirming actions will have a ripple effect out to many other countries such as ours. I mean, our idiotic prime minister ‘came out’ in favour of gay marriage after voting against Civil Unions a few years back when he heard that Obama did. (I still think he’s a loser though- Our PM not Obama!) So thanks to all getting out and voting!

  2. And, unless I’m mistaken, you get to claim back those adoption costs on your taxes. So there’s that, at least. Not that it makes it ok to have to adopt him, but at least it’ll end up not costing anything.

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