Posted by: chicagoshells | November 8, 2013

For Mulberry

I just want to put into words how very much I love you, little boy.  You’re sick now, getting over your first real cold and cough.  Undoubtedly related to starting daycare last week, which makes Mommy and I feel horribly guilty.  I stayed home with you on Monday, my day off.  Mommy took a sick day to stay with you on Tuesday.  On Wednesday I brought you back to daycare, still sniffly.  You started to cry as soon we got into your classroom.  You crawled around after me as I put your bottles in the fridge and a change of clothes in your drawer, whimpering and pointing at me.  It broke my heart to leave you there.  I cried on my way to work.  I cried 10 hours later, still at work, when a slow co-worker meant I missed a bus and might not get a chance to kiss you goodnight.  I walked halfway home and then finally gave in and took a cab the rest of the way, hoping I might be able to hold you just for a moment.  You were nursing when I got home, falling asleep in Mommy’s arms.  I got to carry you, milk-drunk and eyelids drooping, into your room and cuddle you for a few minutes before I put you in your crib.  It was the best part of my day.  I know I am tired and impatient a lot of the time right now, trying to figure out how to get through the next few months of this job, that has often felt silly but seems ridiculous now. Trying to figure out what to do instead of continuing this job that keeps me away from you and Mommy far too many nights.  Life can be hard, but you are amazing.  You bring your mothers such incredible joy.  I am so lucky to be your mama.

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